At city-wide (something we have every other Thursday in Philadelphia with the teams from Camden, and Philly) someone spoke to us.  He spoke about the prodigal son, and how most of us take the place of the older son. I come to my Father and am frustrated when He goes after the one who hasn’t stuck by Him like I have – and I feel like I have worked hard, and now the one who hasn’t is treated like a prince. BUT my Father looks at me and says “You are already my beloved. You already have all of this, and that is enough.” He spoke about how we are in need of being in the place of the other son, the one who ran away. When he ran back,  he saw his brokenness, and saw that being a slave to his father was better than starving. Yet when he goes to beg his father to allow him to be a slave, he is treated like a prince, and embraced. Just like that son, I am broken. I am starving. This speaker reminded me that when I look around my neighborhood, and I see the brokenness, I really can see the brokenness in my own life. Such as addictions – I also have addictions, they may just look a little different. I am the chief of sinners. Yet God calls me His beloved. And that is enough. So I came to do Mission Year for a year. Me doing this for a year cannot change the world. Maybe I am just seeing my brokenness, and in that I am able to love. Maybe I don’t have a lot to give, but I can give my presence. When I see my brokenness, and the gift that God calls me His beloved, I long for the ones around me to know that love.

In the mornings, something the Lord is showing me is what joy really is. I was having a hard day the other day, and I was angry. I was just telling God that I was in pain, and I couldn’t find joy in it. Then – that David Crowder song popped into my head “You are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy…” That’s it. HE IS MY JOY. Regardless of what I am feeling, no matter where I am, no matter who or what leaves or gives up on me, no matter what changes, or when things don’t go as I planned, the love my Father has for me doesn’t change. So, if HE is my joy, then I always have joy, because He doesn’t change. The question is now, is HE my joy? Can I really be in a foreign place, out of my comfort, and have joy?

the back yard. where i spend a lot of my quiet time.

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